Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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