i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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17 year olds will be the death of me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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