I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
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Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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