Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
