STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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