We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
