the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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