Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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