If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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