I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
