I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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