I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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