if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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