I wannas sexs uuuuu
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Randomize
