I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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