I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
