i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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