all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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