does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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