JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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