i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
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