I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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