a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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