ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize