Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
