and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How's work?
Spinning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
