Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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