They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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