Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
