How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we're so committed to being not committed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
