i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
