1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
