I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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