Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
