the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
