haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
