I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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