My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
