my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
