Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
