just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
