if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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