I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
