I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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