Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
