If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize