does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
