I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
