I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
