If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
