I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
