it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
