Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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