I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
