I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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