I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize