No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
