She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
