Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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