how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
