She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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