Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
