Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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