No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
