If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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