"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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