to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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