I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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